Monday is my 16th birthday. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 months now, yes the boy who I waited 3 months on. :)  I'm head over heels in love with him and everything is so great, I couldn't ask for more, honestly.

Well, it's about 5 am on Monday morning.
I planned on falling asleep around 11, but laying around for hours just kind of got annoying.
Sleeeeping is getting almost pointless and impossible for me now-a-days. But that doesn't really bother me as much as it probably should. I've been in the weirdest of moods lately? I'm so happy, and I'm scared, and I'm sad, and I'm worried. But mostly just happy, which is a change of pace for me honestly. Everything is going better, I think at least. I've started to step forward. I'm just trying to make the best of everything I guess you could say. I'm just trying to get by while being nice to everyone and just doing what I want to do without worrying about consequences.
I wish that people could see how much I really care, and how good my intentions are. I'm honestly trying to change who I am, for myself. I love the feeling of not being able to control myself, but sometimes I guess I just get out of hand. Whether people know that I honestly can't help it or not, I just want to learn when I should stop. When my limit is. But I'm sure that wouldn't make sense to anyone but me. I want to prove to the ones who are skeptical that I have the best of intentions and that I really do care and trust them. And that I should be trusted in return. I don't want my life to be like last year. Everything went downhill back then, and my life was like a rollercoaster, and I don't want it to be like that this year. I want to be happy. And I know what makes me happiest right now, and it's just obtaining that at this point I guess you could say. I'm just going to try my hardest to make everything work out for me. I'm just going to cross my fingers that the passing time hasn't been a waste. I want everything to be worth it in the end.

everything went down the toilet pretty much.
you saw how happy i was down there .

i guess if i wanted to explain it'd take too much typing.
so i guess i'm just going to write what i wish i could say to him.

dear boy,
it's okay, whatever is bothering you, whatever mistake you made. it's all okay. i just want to be with you, no matter what. nothing matters before this moment. we can start over new i don't care. i just want my chance with you, i need to show you that i can be everything that you need. and i wish that i could put this into words and tell you all of this. but i just can't. i feel crazy for liking you this much. you're just so perfect and i don't want to let you out of my reach. but i don't know how to get you to stay either. i just know that i want you in my life, you could be the best thing that happens to me. so please just give this a chance. please, i beg you let me show you. i want this, and i want everything to be okay. i don't want to have to worry about if there is an"us" anymore. i want to have you, for as long as you want me to. i know you're probably scared, but god so am i. i don't know what to do, i'm not used to this. i can't read your body language and i don't know whats going on in your head. you conceal your thoughts so well, i just don't know what to do..so please just tell me whats going on with us, whats going on with you. i care about you more than you could ever guess. and i just want you to be okay<3

ohyeah, quote xanga- soicanbreathe.xanga.com